Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Eating at Me

From a blog I read:

then i gave up sugar.
and i had to rethink everything i ate.
i would be hungry and have to figure out what to eat and nothing sounded good because
i only ate sugary things before.
(before means for 34 years i would eat sweet stuff all day long)
then i would have to decide if i was really even hungry.
then the next thought was "why am i hungry?"

i realized that whenever i have an emotion that is remotely strong...bad OR good....
I EAT.
having five kids leads to many strong feelings in one hour let alone a day or a week.

a few weeks ago i was alone in the car and i said out loud
"UGH! my mom was right!"
(my mom is soooo happy right now reading that i am sure!)

I realized that my life IS stressful...not anymore than most people's but still....it's stressful.
and i had been eating all the stress.
if i felt anything i would eat.
then the feeling would go away somewhat.
i would feel more calm and regulated emotionally.
so now that i was not eating sugar....
i was feeling all these feelings because there was nothing to eat!

it was a light bulb moment...as oprah likes to call it.
(oprah really is like a household name...i can't remember my life before she was around??? ha!)

God wants me to feel those feelings. (hey wait...oprah didn't tell me that!)
they are there for a reason.
not because He wants me to be sad...but because i need to work on giving myself to HIM over and over.
and ignoring the feelings by eating them away (so to speak) is wrong.
when i feel that frustration...that emotion...and i want it to go away...i have a choice.
do i deal with it or stuff it down somewhere with a snack?
do i pray about it? do i think about it? or just pretend it's not there and eat something?

I want to think about this, but, more than that, I want it to enlighten me.

I do this, too... Sure wish I didn't, but it's bigger than I am right now.

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