September 27, 2020
Experiments in watercolor and pastel!
Knowing Myself
Beware - philosophy post.
For the past several days I have been so angry at my husband. Brian has children from a previous marriage and the relationship Brian and I have with his ex is fraught with tension. I've always tried to see the best in others and blah blah blah. I'm such a wonderful person. See how righteously I act so it's obvious the other person is horrible. Whatever.
It's not so much how the ex acts as how Brian acts with her. I disagree with his actions and decisions. Strongly. I want certain things to happen. But they never do. And Brian will never address those concerns. So there is always this tug of war going on. I couldn't tell you who it is between: me and Brian, me and the ex?
I have no idea how to act in this situation. I don't know what expectations I am allowed to have - by allowed, I mean What Heavenly Father Wants Me to Do. My sister asked me if I've fasted about it.
Confession: I've lost my testimony of fasting. Actually, I've never had one. I hate fasting. I have succumbed over the past five years to giving up fasting. And I need to get back to it again. Hopefully, if I can control myself, I can know myself better. And what my Father wants of me.
My sister has agreed to fast with me this weekend. I really want to know what to do about the relationship with Brian's ex. I want to know what I can righteously expect of my husband. I want to not have horrible regrets at the end of my life for how I act now.
Here's keeping fingers crossed.
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